What I have learned from teaching baby massage

There were no classes around when my son was a baby. The only thing available back then were mum and baby groups at the local church hall, but to be honest I didn’t feel confident enough to walk into a room where I didn’t know anyone, so I didn’t really socialise much with other mums. I had a few friends with babies the same age, so we would go to the park or to each others houses. This was pre-internet, if you can believe such a time exists! So if there was something that you were finding difficult, it was much harder to get the information.

Fast forward 20 years, and I found myself teaching prenatal yoga in my studio. I definitely found my niche when I trained in this, but I was sending the mums off to have their babies, and there was a good chance I wouldn’t see them again. I wanted to be able to get to meet their lovely babies. More than that, I wanted to support the mums on their journeys, many whom were first time mums. When you have a baby, you may have friends that are not at that stage in their lives, or your paths start to diverge, and this is part of life, but it can be a lonely enough time for some of us. This isn’t really talked about much, as we are supposed to be filled with joy, and to instinctively know what we are doing!

I think that I had this all in mind when I signed up for Birthlight’s baby massage course. I live in a rural setting, and at the time there was nothing running in the area for mums and babies. So it is maybe even more isolating having a baby in the country, especially if you are new to the area.

Less is more. I bought a few props for the classes, like windmills to blow on to keep the babies occupied, and massage balls that had lights inside them, in case they got bored, but I quickly discovered that the only thing that the babies need is their mum. Or dad, just in case you think that I am only geared towards mums. I have had a few dads in class, and I ran a few sessions for dads only, so I am 100% keen to have either parent in the class. There have been occasions where grandparents have brought their grandchild too. Anyone is welcome, it just so happens to be the reality that the mum is the primary caregiver during the early stages, especially when the baby is breastfed.

I don’t lift the babies. When I post the pictures from the class online, people often say they are so jealous that I get to cuddle babies for a living. The truth is, even though I want to lift and cuddle them, actually I hardly ever do. Only the odd time when a mum asks me to will I then gladly help out, but otherwise I am really respectful of the mum and baby bond. This only ever happens if they are going to the bathroom or running out to the car to get something, never when they can’t get the baby to settle or to stop crying. Also I am aware of the bodily autonomy of the baby: they might not want to be lifted by a complete stranger. Anyone who has worked with babies will know that they are unique from the word go, with their own likes and dislikes, so I would never assume that I can just go over and pick one up. Most mums don’t really need anyone to take their baby either, as they are doing a brilliant job as it is.

We never run out of things to talk about. I googled topics that I could introduce into the class, things that we could chat about should there ever be a time when there was nothing to say. Well, I soon shelved that idea! There is never a lack of things to talk about, especially after the session when I make tea for everyone and bring in a plate of biscuits. No topic is off the table, and what is really great is the willingness of other mums to just listen, without necessarily giving advice or offering an opinion. It is really important that our space is one that we are comfortable sharing information, in the knowledge that it won’t be repeated outside the room, so I hope that over the years I have created this. What is said in baby massage, stays in baby massage!

The class can be really noisy. Who knew that these tiny little beings can make so much noise? The other thing that really surprised me is that it doesn’t annoy me one bit. Because the babies aren’t mine, I don’t really hear it, and I just carry on. I find it best to not make a big deal if a baby is crying a lot, and I wouldn’t offer any advice, the only thing that I consciously do is to make sure the mum doesn’t feel that they are being a nuisance, or that they don’t have to apologise, or even worse, leave. Of course, if that is what they want to do, then they are free to do it, but it is my preference that they stay. I normally just ask if they are ok, do they need anything, and let them know that they are still part of the group. Other mums are so sympathetic, they’ve all been there, and I always tell them that next week it’ll be another baby’s turn. There is such a thing as the “perfect” baby of course, but mostly they all have their moments.

Baby massage really does work. During tummy massage, it is not uncommon to hear wind being passed, or even a nappy being filled, and we all celebrate this, because it is a normal, natural part of life. They are so much happier when they are not constipated or suffering from trapped wind. However, tummy massage is not great if they’ve just had a feed, because everything can just come back up again. It’s good to know your audience. Even if it seems like they didn’t really settle in class and not much massage was done, inevitably they are all fast asleep after their clothes are back on, and this is a perfect time to sit and enjoy a tea or coffee. Though we love them, we do enjoy those few stolen moments of peace as well. I get lots of photos of sleeping babies after class too, so that relaxed state can carry on all day. It goes to show that it is really effective.

Always ask permission. It might seem a bit silly to some people to do this, but it establishes the concept of consent, even for a 4 week old baby. This sets a precedent for the future too, and establishes good communication habits. We can’t expect a verbal answer of course, but when we ask permission, we are pausing in time to check in and to notice how they are at the beginning of class. If they don’t seem in great form, it wouldn’t be a good idea to start massage. Instead I suggest a foot rub or just a cuddle, and then they can join in at a later stage if they want. Sometimes they like to sit facing the rest of the group and watch what’s going on, that’s a great option as they are still part of the class. Some babies are really curious and need to be able to see what is going on. It is important to be able to give everyone the space to do what is best for them.

Finally, babies love to look at other babies. And they love to look at themselves too. I love the little circles that we do in class, where everyone comes in really close to just hang out and see each other. They reach out, they smile at each other, I like to think that their facial recognition software is being programmed. That’s the former IT teacher in me. They are uploading all this information into a brand new system. I bring them into a circle too when we are doing tummy time, as it can be pretty difficult to get them to stay on their tummy for this, so if they have each other to look at, it can give us a few more minutes, or seconds even. One prop I really have gotten great use out of is the mirror. Put a mirror in front of a baby and they are hooked for minutes in our time, but this is probably hours in baby time.

I could write so much more actually, as I really love teaching baby massage. I wouldn’t really call it teaching though, more facilitating. I don’t watch the massage techniques that the mums are doing, to make sure that they are doing it right, I watch the mums to make sure they are ok and that they are comfortable. Do they need a drink of water, or an extra cushion? Maybe from chatting to them I find out that they need a phone number for a lactation consultant, or another class so they aren’t in the house all week. That’s what I’ve learned mostly from teaching baby massage: if you support the mother, everything else takes care of itself.